Giving Up

When I learned I was pregnant, I started reading books, online materials and watching videos to learn about what to expect, how to take care of the baby and how to breastfeed. Nowhere in the books does it say what you will need to give up when you become a mother. Here are things I had to give up when I became a mother:

• Sleep This is a tad bit of an exaggeration. I still get to sleep but not the kind of uninterrupted sleep I used to get. The most difficult was when my baby was a month old because he had to eat every 2 hours but he gets hungry an hour before that. He could not latch directly yet so I had to carry him to soothe him. After feeding, he needs to be upright for 15 minutes and then a while after that he will need to be changed because newborns poop every after a feed. I had to pump in between to collect the 2oz he needed to take in. Between the pumping, burping, calming and feeding, I was left with almost no sleep. 
• Shopping I did not heed the advice of a friend who advised me to shop for bigger sized bras (2 cups bigger than the current) because I was unsure what my size was going to be. By the time my baby joined our tiny family, I could not leave the house anymore caused in part by my C-section and my inability to drive but mostly because I needed to express milk for my baby. I could not wear my smaller bras because tight bras can give you breast lumps that can develop to mastitis. When I was single, I hated the feeling of not wearing a bra, when I gave birth I was without them for almost two months! 
• Going Out Because of my C-section, I could not go up and down the stairs, this meant I could also not go out. The first time I went out, not counting two quick trips to the OB and another to Medical City, was when I attended a seminar for my son's Christening. This was two months after I gave birth. It is with no exaggeration when I say, the light outside at 3:00 PM was blinding. 
• Haircuts I do not get haircuts often. In fact, when I got married, I have not gone to get a haircut for a year. They said it would be harder to fix my hair if it were short. When I got pregnant, I did not want to go inside a parlor for fear of inhaling chemicals that may be harmful to the baby. After I gave birth, my hair was already up to my waist. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be able to find the time to get a haircut. Almost four months after I gave birth, I finally was able to get the needed haircut. I now understand why some moms chop their hair really short after having a baby. 
• Baths I still take baths but what used to be a bath that can last up to an hour now cannot extend beyond 20 minutes. Any longer and my baby starts to cry. 
• Make-up, Moisturizer and Sun block People who know me know that I cannot step out of the house without sun block and cannot sleep without moisturizer. This is long gone for fear that the baby might lick the gunk off my face. 
• Nice Bras I do not know why nursing bras that provide good support are so hard to find. Particularly for my size. I am now making do with bras that are a cup smaller because they do not have my cup size. The brighter side is, my bra is now a fifth of the price of my former bras. 
• Movie Dates When I was pregnant we stopped watching movies  as soon as we realized how risky it is for me to catch certain diseases. When in a movie house, you never know who you are next to and what disease you can contract. Nowadays, we do not watch movies because leaving the baby at home seems unfair. We already work on weekdays and the hours on weekends are hours for the baby. 
• Eating Out My husband and I used to eat out when we need to go home late because of a meeting or what not. We now rush home after a meeting regardless of time because we want to be with the baby. 
• Going Out with Friends Friends have been inviting us for get together dinners but we just have too many constraints. Dinner has to be near our place, it must not end too late, the list goes on that we just say we are not going to not inconvenience people. 
• Travel I have a bad case of wanderlust. Have had it since I was a kid so I jump at every chance I get to travel. Recently, I was given an opportunity to go to the US for two weeks. I would normally say yes without batting an eyelash. This time around though, I had to say no. I could not be away from the baby for too long because I need to feed him. While travel used to be something I sought after, it is now something I try to avoid as much as possible.

The list goes on. Had I read about these things I had to give up for motherhood, I still, without a doubt, would not change a thing. A smile from my little one is worth everything that I had to give up. For now. Eventually, I know things will normalize and get easier. In the meantime, I will revel in the sight of a baby who looks up to me anticipating the milk I give to nourish him, the warmth and comfort my arms provide and the smell (no matter how bad) that calms him.

Pregnancy Reading List

Since I got pregnant I have been so focused on my pregnancy, reading about how our baby is growing inside of me and the changes I will undergo. I have been following my pregnancy by reading pregnancy sites on the net such as:

• Baby Center
• What To Expect
• The Bump

I check on the development of our baby on a weekly basis so I always have something to look forward to every week. I thought I was reading enough and then my mom friend and even dad friends told me about books I need to read. I felt like a student caught unprepared for the finals. I realize now that I still have much reading to catch up on. So I have to give my novels a rest for a bit to focus on these books during my free time.

What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff

A friend of mine lent me this book and it has been great because it answers most of the questions that I have. This book is a New York Times Best Seller and has been for 25 years already, considered as one of the most influential.The very copy that I was lent has been used by at least five women already. 

What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff

A friend from Canada recommended that I start reading this book. I realized that I have not read anything yet on how to survive the first year so this is a must-read.

Parenting Guide to Your Baby's First Year by Anne Krueger 
A mother of four recommended this to me so I am guessing this is a really useful book. I am also fortunate that she is lending me a copy. 

Mothercare New Guide to Pregnancy and Babycare by Dr. Penny Stanway
I was told that this book has a list of things I need to get for the baby. It also has pictures (yey!) of how to carry and bathe the baby.

Happiest Baby on the Block
This book was recommended to me by a new mom. She says it's super helpful. The book teaches the reader how to calm the baby. I need this. I remember helping out my brother and my SIL for a few hours with my niece and it drove all of us crazy that she would not stop crying. There were many times we just could not figure out how to make her stop. This worried us because she cried so hard at times that she threw up.

I read some reviews about this book and learned that many parents thought that the book's content can just be summarized into one pamphlet. The entire book, they say, just repeats the 5 S's. Moreover, what is stated in this book may only be used in the first three months. Regardless, I think it is helpful if I put in here the 5 S's as the parents did say they were effective in calming the baby.

Swaddling - just ensure that the swaddle is tight enough so it simulates the environment in the womb. Tight enough but not too tight that the baby ends up with hip dysplasia. To be safe, I am really getting the Halo Sleepsack. I plan to get the 2 in 1 version for newborns. Swaddling is not recommended once the baby can already roll over and flip as this becomes a danger to them already.

Side Laying - allow the baby to lay on his side or on his tummy. Do not leave the baby to sleep this way as this has been found to be a danger for SID. The author says lying on his or her back gives the baby a sense of falling hence, baby feels insecure and so baby cries.

Swaying - while the baby is in the womb, the baby feels the gentle rocking in the womb. The swaying must be rhythmic but gentle to avoid the shaken baby syndrome.

Shushing - when the baby was in the womb, the baby heard shushing sounds. Actually, a closer sound is that of a washing machine's but sushing will do. Some recommend using white noise like a recorded washing machine or a vacuum cleaner. I hear this is available on Spotify.

Sucking - allow the baby to suck on a pacifier or your nipple so that the baby may calm himself or herself. I do not know about the pacifier as this may cause nipple confusion. I would think nursing would still be better.

In the end, after reading all the reviews, I ended up not reading this book anymore as I already know all the 5 S's.

My Baby Sleep Guide
This site provides guidelines on how to help the baby sleep: Swaddling, Sitting and Shush-Pat. I have not tried any of these to my niece before but who knows, this might work for our baby! Any help is really welcome when calming the baby.

Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by Diane Wiessinger, Diana West and Teresa Pitman

Things I know about breastfeeding I learned from the television and hosptal pamphlet and posters. I remember seeing a feature on the Oprah show many years back and the testimonies of the mothers are burnt in my memory forever. I have also many friends who breastfed and they really make it look so easy that if it were not for the horror stories I saw on Oprah, I would believe that all was really peachy and perfect in the breastfeeding land. The person lending me this book breastfed all her four kids. This book has been recommended to me twice already.

In Search of the Perfect Latch 
This link enumerates things to watch out for so a breastfeeding mom can tell if she needs additional help. This also identifies indicators that will allow the mom to tell if the baby is indeed getting some milk.  It's a short and easy read. This is actually from the blog The Leaky Boob which offers other interesting entries on breastfeeding and baby care. This was recommended to me by another mommy friend.

Chronicles of a Nursing Mom

I have been also advised to read this blog. I already started and it features many useful links on breastfeeding. I like that though the author has been blogging for a while already, she has kept links to the very important posts that new moms must read.

The Wonder Weeks
This is actually a best selling book turned into an app. This was recommended to me by a friend who says that the most challenging stages are the growth spurt stages of an infant. Suddenly, the pattern of an infant will be altered and you have to figure everything out again. Hopefully, this app or book will be able to aid me in figuring things out. 

Baby Rules for Baby by John Medina
This book explains how to raise a smart baby. This tries to dispel some myths about in utero practices like playing music, talking to  the baby via Morse code. Seriously? I think this is a good read though I have not really finished this book yet.

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin

I cannot force this on my husband because he is not really into reading books but I can peruse it and maybe let him know what he needs to know.
Update: I have read some parts of the book. I decided to read this because my husband cannot be coerced to read this. It has some things the husband needs to track like the movements of the baby and the frequency of contractions. It even has template of what the record table should look like! This book also features how the husband can assist the wife during labor which at this point, is not a priority since I have no delusional ambition to deliver the baby vaginally. I am already 35 and it may be risky to choose that route so I am preparing for a Caesarian delivery. The book details on how the Caesarian operation is going to go and I literally cried because it was so scary. I have undergone and appendectomy in the past and a breast cyst excision as well so I am no stranger to an operation. Nonetheless, it scares me crazy! I just need to look at the positive side, I will get to see our baby after all the gory parts. 

Signing Time

This teaches baby sign language. This is a YouTube channel that the baby and mommy can watch. I do not know how much our baby will like this but I am curious as to how it will pan out so I will try this out. My only issue is that this is in English and we want our baby to learn Filipino first before English. I guess I will have to watch this and then translate to our baby.

Kangaroo Care

This promotes skin-to-skin contact, exclusive breastfeeding and support to the mother and child. I think the hospital we chose provide support for this. What this says is that the baby has to have skin-to-skin contact with the mother immediately after birth. They say this will lessen the stress on the baby caused by separation from the mother. I will have to read more on this and its advantages. 

I still have more or less four months to read all these. I need to prioritize breastfeeding materials though!